Friday, October 23, 2009

Alright. The natural ebb and flow of existence never ceases to amaze me. I think about the world spinning, the universe expanding and each one of my atom vibrating at various frequencies. I'm in a joyous mood right now and it's because I've been smoking pot.

I woke up late this morning, it was troublesome. Around noon. I had no particular game plan for the day. Only that I had lot's of things to do. My main thought was of the two essays due on Tuesday. I jumped into reading the novel which I'm writing about. Finding it dry and tedious, my brain was a hot bed for various other tangents and plans. A number of issues dominated my head. The first was that I wasn't really finding anything in the book to write about. The second was that I should be writing a list for all the things I needed to do. Then in no real order came the rest of my thoughts. My friend friend Ingrid Gatin asked for some help a few weeks ago booking shows. She's an incredible musicians and I'd love to share the stage with her. I sent out a few emails looking for shows and haven't really followed up. I realized the dates were approaching and that I hadn't really done anything about it. There is still time. Her music can be found at

Another thought was to my girlfriend's phone. Three days ago it was stolen or lost and it's been a major stress on her life. It was lost at an my band's concert so I took on the responsibility of contacting those who might have accidentally taken it. There's a 100$ reward by the way. As I said to Chelsea I don't really care about the phone, but I am bothered that she's bothered. Another thought was that I need to contact my band. I threw together seven musicians for the sick sick sicks and the show went well. After they'd all left, I didn't get paid very much. I wanted to tell them they did a great job and I hope to keep jamming. I intent to rent a PA with our pay so we can have real practices. Hopefully at least some of the members are reading this. I also thought of my friend John Aaron, who just left for a tour of eastern Europe, good luck buddy. I also thought about being Wolverine for Halloween, so I need to get some big muscles, fast. I also plan on buying a used mac book from a friend. I think that's all. However, I had about twelve pages to write for Tuesday, so I started reading.

And I'll be honest when it comes to school assignments, I've never tried that hard. In a class situation I'm always one of the best. I answer correctly to more questions then most of my peers and have great relationships with teachers. When I've been enthralled by the professor or the materiel, I also do really well. However left to my own devices, I dick off 'till the last minute, hand in some sub par work, then throw it out since I know I could have done a much better job. It's not the best system, but I've read and learned a lot. And at the end of this year I'll be graduating.

It's been fascinating observing my mother who's just gone back to school. She's doing a masters in library management. She loves school and has dreamed of being a librarian since she was a child. She's organized, works hard and has been getting all As or A+s. I recall being under her tutelage as a child and kicking ass on book reports. Having an authority to guide me through all the seemed to be more effective when pursuing a goal I cared nothing about. At various points she'd inspire me to vigorously devote myself to a project. That enthusiasm generally dried up in about thirty five minutes. Getting good grades has been an uphill battle since I was a kid. I guess I'd just prefer to roll down.

The fact of the matter is that I don't and have never, really cared about proving myself academically. I know I'm smart and that I enjoy learning. That's something no one can take away, no matter how poorly I fail in school.

As with money, school grades are a construction, simultaneously compared with success. Once again, I don't need to prove to anything that I'm successful, so I don't need much money. I have a clear memory in my mind of my mother fearing for my future should I get a degree. She saw a “string of low paying jobs” presumably for the rest of my life. Her premonitions have mostly come true. Except that now I've realized it's more important to engage in what makes you happy then to try to drag yourself up the social ladder. The indoctrination about the importance of a degree has been successful. The proof is in the punch, I'm doing the absolute least I can to squeak out a that prestigious piece of paper. (Just kidding, I take part in most of my classes) University is highly tied to class structure though. When I finish, I'll be a "professional" rather then a laborer. I'll have the magical key to many more opportunities. That's why W. Bush went to Yale and there are so few ethnic minorities in my classes. (Things are getting much better in the latter case).

Long and short, grades are silly, but learning is cool. But being educated is great thing. Even being elitist in various fields can be beneficial to the world's knowledge. But being good at school in general negligible, since it's only about proving you have the capacity to regurgitate and not absorb. More on this in later blogs.

My current serious of regurgitational exercises showcase a book called “the Vicar of Wakefield”. It's about a rich Vicar who goes busts and Vics it up for a poorer community, being social lowered himself. Things get worse and worse throughout the book. He tries to advance his family into higher esteem and fails miserably. (His fortunes picks up a bit at the end, I think, I wasn't really paying attention anymore.

My proff says it's all about ways of thinking. The Vicar is down with pedantry. The learned type who likes to discuss and who's type of smarts is derived from books. The book observes past ways of thinking such as Wisdom, and future ways like science. It's about the enlightenment and growth of reason. I'm going to compare it to Robinson Crusoe, the book about a castaway. I'm not really sure how yet. I made a bunch of notes about God and Crusoe for my first essay. That will probably be my central exploration. No point in doing too much work.

I was reading and most of it was sticking, then all the sudden there's a big party at the jail where the vicar is being held, then nothing makes sense. New characters burst in from no where and chaos ensues. It didn't really made sense, but there was nice poetic justice. The Vicar can't adapt to the new ways of rational thinking, so his life goes down the drain. Someone who's secretly been doing a scientific experiment on the Vicar, saves the day. A decent book.

It made me think of other books that have maintained a popular status over the years, and the ones that I think will be most remembered from our times. They don't have strong characters or plots it's that they artfully capture attitudes and notions of their present situations.

That leads me to the one television show that I watch on a daily basis, the Sopranos. It encapsulates our tendency towards wealth and status, regardless of broader consequences. Pauly overhears that a friend of his elderly mother has cash stashed under her mattress. He breaks in, digs around, she catches him, she starts to call the cops and he ends up suffocating her with a pillow. The genius of the scene is the ever present crucifix that dangles loose during the altercations. Our power structure and culture in general remains faithful to Christianity, yet acts in direct opposition to Christian ideology. I've done minimal research on the subject of wealth in the bible, but it's explicitly clear in a number of situation that Jesus Christ is against it.

I googled “bibles verses wealth” . The first site has twenty or thirty good ones.

I like the imagery in the first one.

"Then Jesus said to his disciples, 'I tell you the truth, it is hard for a rich man to enter the kingdom of heaven. Again I tell you, it is easier for a camel to go through the eye of a needle than for a rich man to enter the kingdom of God.'"
-Matthew 19:23-24

I dig this one because it sounds like when Jesus was inspired by Eastern monks.

"Jesus answered, 'If you want to be perfect, go, sell your possessions and give to the poor, and you will have treasure in heaven. Then come, follow me.'"
-Matthew 19:21

I finished the last forty or so pages of the novel, watched most of my program then all the sudden it was three o'clock. I didn't really feel like working anymore and I've had the notion of working out for some time. I recently got a new student card, so I could go to the gym again. I like the endorphins that get released when working out. Plus wolverine has really big muscles. I have more energy when I smoke grass, plus I like smoking grass, so I smoked some grass. I walked Rufus and my head cleared up. All those competing notions floated away. I noticed the beautiful foliage and thought about the water in my skin as it's exposed to colder air. I played with Rufus more then I usually do and stopped to smell a wild rose. Then I got in some sweats and started jogging towards the gym. I saw my pop on the way and he asked me where I was going. The parents never notice when I'm stoned anymore. I think it's because I don't smoke as much at one siting. In high school, the trend was to smoke huge fatties. I always got too stoned. Now I lay a 8th of a gram in my pipe and I'm still stoned for hours. The jog was lovely, through my fingers get cold fast. I think they lack circulations. I'm comfortable right now in shorts and a t, but my fingers are still cold.

I took the long way to the gym and jogged right in. It was nice not dealing with the change room. Starting off with some yoga, I realized it looked sweetly out of place in the mirror. I ran into my friend Dana and he showed me some exercises. They worked quite well. He's a fascinating character. Always wears bright or flashy clothes. He used to have multiple watches hanging from his waist. Now his facial and arm hair shaved in intricate patterns. He said many people negate their unique traits in order to project a more broad appeal. But when you follow your heart and do it with gusto, you get to know people in a more in depth way.

Another piece of wisdom that he departed with me was the notion of an “open heart”. When most people some people say “ I love you” it means they love only you. Open hearted love from one would be happy with what ever makes the other happy. It's a notion that doesn't really fit into our monogamous culture. But forever isn't real. He talked about being in a room with multiple people he maintains romantic connection with, and it being cool. I told him about my companion Maggie Sue, whom I lived with in the spring of '08. I bought groceries and cleaned the place, she paid the rent and we lived in bliss.

He also showed me pictures of tattoo's he done on people. Ergonomically designed to stretch with the muscle structure, I think he's onto a new trend. I liked the frog who's hips were strategically placed on the side of a leg, so that it jumps when the knee is unfolded. Dana hosts an art jam every Thursday night at his place. I'll get you connected if your interested. Your free to smoke, drink, be merry and be inspired by all the art that's being created.

I got back home and since we smoked up again, was in no mood for homework. Instead I stumbled upon an erotic story I'd started a few months ago. It begins with a ten year old boy spying on his 12 year old sister's slumber party. The girls get into the booze and things get wild. I'm not sure if I'll post that one or not. I have a collection of bizarre stories, maybe I'll publish them someday.

After that, I called my dear friend Alex Vlad and it seems the black mac book is coming my way. He's also getting me into some grand hip hop show tonight. You rock Alex. I smell a review....

So then I started blogging I guess. I think I started around 5 and It's seven thirty now. My parents have come and now there's a bunch of kids playfully yelling outside my house. Chelsea called and she's still freaked out, but getting mellower.

My thoughts wander to the weekend. I'm busy tomorrow afternoon and probably Sunday afternoon. If I'm gonna do this stuff. I guess it'll be tomorrow, Sunday morning and Monday during the day. If not, there's always the drop box.


Ps. It's now twenty past eight. I just edited the piece. This smoking and writing thing is pretty fun. I don't recall working so steadily on a piece of writing. Peace!

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