Roller coaster and into the states.

Greetings and salutations all, especially Oliver, who mentioned the blog and stirred me to get back into it. I don’t have any particularly good reasons why I haven’t been writing, only that the blog wasn’t the only segment of my life that’s been stagnant. Reading back, “effectualism” is malarkey. Being in a state of getting things done for the soul purpose of getting things done is the bogus busy-work mentality that drives most of the contemporary work force. However, I was always clear that it was an experiment, a trial an attempt to test out a mode of being. The post capitalism experiment was more interesting for the most part because now I know that I have the capacity to sustain with only my wits and skills. Effectualism (I just spell checked it, I forgot it wasn’t a real word) had no clear goals or clear direction, especially in terms of balance. When I found myself in a safe haven that provided all the food, shelter and love I could handle, being effective, effectively became unimportant. Why strive for anything when you have everything? The new found plateau furthered the disconnect with school, eventually resulting in one of the most bizarre emotional roller coasters I’ve ever been on. And it did feel like a ride, eventually I learned to enjoy the fluctuating currents of pain, bliss, anxiety, depression, boredom, passion and ennui. At one point my body shut down, wild symptoms the doctor thought were mono or step throat confined me to the couch or bed, while at the same time, I was experiencing my first ever bouts of insomnia. It was all very strange. Swab and blood tests found nothing. Eventually I called upon some dear friends of mine and we engaged in a healing ceremony. The act of calling and asking for help was one of the most profound turnarounds in my life. Immediately the physical symptoms began to rescind bringing the emotional issues to the forefront. I found myself completely checked out of any productive activities. Any contact with school or concert organization gave me the chills. So I sat and listened to a scholar who’s got a lot of lectures on the internet, a man named Terrence Mckenna. Of his many theories, “time wave zero” is the one I feel most comfortable attempting to amplifying.

He’s charted time, from the big bang onward, into a series of habits and novelty. At first, it’s mostly habit, the universe forms over a long and slow period of time, then something new happens, like the creation of a planet, and the graph is altered. In a shorter time then the first increment, continents are formed, in steps all shorter in time then the one before it, we get life, humans, agriculture, industry, technology, genetic engineering, ect. Only it can’t go on forever. Each great leap forward happens in less time, so eventually there has to be a moment when it becomes all leaps, all novelty and no habit or repetition. Charting out the patterns of time, he calculated that moment to fall on the winter solstice of 2012. This is the same day the Mayan calendar ends, and Terrence came to his conclusion entirely independently. He has many other subjects, particularly shamanism, that I’m into. Check him out.

The emotional fluctuation continued for about a month until the first really nice day outside. My mission was to purchase a long board deck, a particular design called an “evo” which is curved low for maximum stability. I was meeting lovely people throughout the day and things started to look up. The next day was saturday, I decided to embrace shamanic method and took a low dose of magic mushrooms and welcomed another beautiful day. Sitting on champlain bridge in the sun, stretching, meditating, things started to make sense again. I started to feel grand again.

My week was mostly ups, longboarding, recording, getting ready for the tour ect. Danny, Bob and I played a gig last night to a mostly empty house, but there was a quality crew of close friends who I’ve been close with in the last few months. At 12 30 last night I boarded a bus and at around 2 this afternoon, I arrived in Cleveland Ohio. So far it looks like a proud and dignified city, the library is impressively expansive. I like the vibe here in the US, especially the accents. While waiting in Buffalo, I could hear NY and Jersey. Behind me on the bus was a thick and lovely southern accent and I think the driver was from the bayou. There were preppy frat kids getting drunk on their way down to spring break in Panama City and next to me was an pleasant and over-weight black lady with a cool mullet.

Looking out over the landscape that’s rolling by, everything looks the same as Ontario. Same cute small towns, grocery stores, churches. The only thing different is the trailer parks. Ours are neater, the parks here are strewn about, in disrepair, often spread out in half a field or next to a winding river. I’d still like to live there though.

Cold/flu like symptoms have returned, stress being a factor once again. Neglecting the written work for the class that I actually enjoyed participated in, I’d have to write some twenty or thirty pages in the next few days to pass. The deadline to withdraw from a class without having an F on one’s transcript is today. My shrink says to focus on the thins that I’m good at and not worry less about the approval of others. Drop the class it is! Done. Wow, that was actually a huge weight off my shoulders, I feel lighter. But still a bit sick. Hopefully the bar tonight has a band room that I can nap in for a few hours. I’m looking forward to tonight, seeing the ladies, playing my heart out.

Please send me a note in response to this blog, who’s reading?

Best,

M